Here's How To Deal With A Hater: Don't.
Yes, haters still exist in 2019. Most of them utilize Al Gore’s internet to troll, sub-tweet, take shots, and throw shade. They also like to lurk on so and so’s Instagram to see what they’ve been up to...screenshot their latest posts...and send it to the “group chat” just to talk sh*t. Yes, we’re still doing this in 2019 and it probably won’t ever go away until everybody gets some internal healing and goes to a therapy session or two...but I won’t go there today.
The great philosopher Mary J. Blige once said “don’t need no hateration, holleration, in this dancerie.” Now, I’m not entirely sure what a dancerie is, BUT it sounds like a sacred place, one filled with loads of joy, lots of twerking, and sweaty, Black folks. Whatever it is, Auntie Mary don’t want ya’ll haters up in there, and I couldn’t agree with her more.
Another wise wordsmith by the name of Reuben Houston, artistically known as Rico Richie, once proclaimed “If yeen got no haters yeen poppin”. Heard.
And last but not least, the former trio, songstress group by the name of 3LW once expressed the notion that “haters, they gonna hate.” A word.
From the aforementioned literature, we can gather that:
1. Nobody likes having haters around...especially not in a dancerie (still not sure what that is)
2. The presence of haters can oftentimes validate your reached level of success
3. Haters will always do their job, which is to hate, and there’s nothing you can do about it...that’s the way it is.
Ok, enough of that. At the tender age of 28, I’m still trying to figure out how to deal with a hater.
I struggle with “people pleasing” and I have this unrealistic to desire to be “cool” with everyone. I don’t like the thought of having enemies or haters. Especially for no reason.
However, after finding myself exhausted with trying to appeal to “everybody”, I’m starting to become more comfortable with the fact that some people just won’t like the way I move through life, the way I talk, the way I wear my clothes, the way I run my mouth on my blog, the decisions I make And. That’s. OK.
When it comes to haters, 99.9% of the time, it hasn’t nothing to do with you and ALL to do with them. Maybe you remind them of someone that hurt them in the past. Or maybe you remind them of the dream they gave up on. Or maybe you remind them of the insecurities they carry with them everyday.
Either way, it’s not for you to figure out. Keep doing you and do it twice as good. Because while people are hating on you because of your moves...those very same moves are inspiring the next person to keep going and to not give up. Those very same moves are going to inspire others to be their best selves and to thrive in all of who they are.
I know we’ve all received advice from our aunties, mommas, pastors, and friends on how to deal with haters. They’ve probably told you things like
Turn the other cheek.
When they go low, you go high.
Let it go.
I’m sure we can all join hands and agree that it’s not always that easy. It can be challenging to simply ignore hate of all kinds...from a hater’s words to their actions, when you’re on the receiving end, it sometimes feels impossible to just “let it go”.
But even in the midst of it feeling impossible, I beg to offer this...
What will you gain by clapping back?
Probably nothing. You may feel “good” in the moment, but once it passes, what are you left with other than a perfectly-crafted, well-thoughtout read? And let’s be clear, there’s a fine line between clapping back and defending yourself. Be discerning and choose your battles wisely.
How much of your power are you giving away by allowing them to control your emotions?
I’ll answer that one for you. A lot.
The time and energy spent focusing on said hater, could it be used elsewhere?
This answer is always YES. You could use that time pouring into the people that love and care about you. That time and energy could be used to research ways to get your side hustle poppin’...for folding that laundry that’s been sitting in the corner for days...for planning your next vacation...for making a healthy meal plan...for exercising…and. the. list. goes. on.
Like I said earlier, just keep doing you and do it twice as good. Having haters are an inevitable part of life. No matter how good of a person you think you are, there will always be someone lurking in the bushes pointing out all of your flaws and envying your life. More success=more haters. That’s just how it is.
But here’s how you deal with them...you don’t.